I feel like I am clinging to a very small and tenuous thread. If I let go of that thread everything will fall apart. The seam will unravel. I want to believe that if I let go I will fall into God's arms rather then an abyss. And I do believe that. Just not completely. The past few nights have been late nights of prayer and reading and crying out to the Lord. He is here, He is listening, and He is involved. But I am stubborn, scared, and human. I don't want to be this way, I was definitely not created to be this way. So I am working on it. I am trying to hand the string my life is hanging on over to God and let him make sense of the chaos in my heart. It is so hard. But it has been incredibly rewarding. One thing I have learned is that I love being able to spend hours with Jesus in times of desperation and know that He has my friends in His hands. He has Haiti in His hands. He has my family in His hands.
I can breath knowing He has me in His hands.