This weekend I am going home for William's funeral. And I feel like I am going to be walking into a grief-stricken place full of spiritual warfare come Saturday. This makes me nervous but at the same time I keep remembering how celebratory this can be. He is in such a better place! Lately I have been getting excited for Heaven at random moments. And even with my extremely narrow idea of what Heaven is it is sometimes overwhelming. It makes me smile uncontrollably, dance (when alone or worshiping =), and sing loudly.
Thinking of all this excitement, I feel that I have discovered a little of what it means to have an eternal perspective. The long list of essays I have to write, the hoops I have to jump through in my job, and the struggles I see my friends going through are not insignificant, but they pale in comparison to what we get to do for eternity. I want to one day spend every second worshiping God (not that I shouldn't do this now but I let so much get in the way). I want to sing purely with all of my attention focused on the Lord and none on myself. Ahhh! I am getting stoked just thinking about this. =)
So, I am no where near where I wanted to go with this post but I won't erase the side note and I will just finish my original thought... I am praying hard that when I step into that group of my loved ones (my church family since I was born) all grieving in different ways I will have hope. I am praying for joy and peace and for God to help me process this earthly loss with Himself as the focus. I have confidence in the fact that this is not my home just as much as this was not William's home. Willie is rejoicing where he is right now and I want to rejoice with him this weekend. I will cry, that's almost guaranteed, but I will not be crushed by this because the Lord is my strength. We lost a great man on this earth but we can celebrate his life and join in encouraging each other. I am glad that I can be a member of this community this weekend and be able to see God in all of this. But I am going to keep praying that God will help me sustain my focus on Him because when it comes to the funeral service on Saturday I might begin to be burdened in an unhealthy way like I am prone to do. Let me end these ramblings with this:
"Praise be to the LORD,
for he has heard my cry for mercy.
The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in song.
The LORD is the strength of his people,
a fortress of salvation for his anointed one.
Save your people and bless your inheritance;
be their shepherd and carry them forever."