Mustard Seeds

Mustard Seeds

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Gents and Ladies, Part 2

Guys: You knew your time was coming. Like I said, I am reading a love story on a blog online. While most of her story is unhealthy in that she calls her husband her "savior" and such there is something to be learned from this cowboy. Here is is... Be the leader God created you to be. (Notice how the title of these posts places Gents first? Yeah. That was intentional.) Take charge and don't be wishy washy with us. This woman often repeats in her story that she loves when her husband, then boyfriend, takes charge. I can't say this of all women, but at least for most of the women I know and myself, when guys step up and take the initiative we really appreciate it. I am not talking about taking the initiative to ask a girl on a date or telling someone you like them, yet. (That's a whole other ballgame that requires serious prayer.) I am talking about being spiritual leaders with all of the women in your life. This is going to be tough and maybe uncomfortable to do at times. So take it or leave it, but I am going to talk about it anyway.

There are things that I want to specifically talk about:
1. Modesty.We try so hard with this! It is a task to dress with guys in mind and we are not perfect at this. But how can we possibly prevent you from stumbling if we don't know what is not good for us to wear? For instance, until this week I had no idea that tights with shirts (not dresses) was immodest. To girls we think, "Is my skin covered? Yes? I'm golden." We don't necessarily think to take into account what the clothes are doing that cover our skin. (Our brains think so differently then yours.) So here's what I propose...  you tell us what is immodest! *gasp* Whether you talk to us directly or through a friend, the five seconds of potential awkwardness is going to be so worth it to get the women of the church dressing appropriately. (I officially give full permission to my brothers in Christ to tell me when a shirt is not appropriate or my shorts are too short or whatever.) It doesn't have to be detailed, it doesn't have to be a big deal, it just needs to be honest and open.

2. Yup, there are two points. This one is less crazy though so it is probably more likely to be considered. =) Leadership in friendships. You can be a girl's friend and still practice being a leader, it doesn't have to occur only in dating relationships. Not only does this help guys learn to take charge but it shows us how to let you do that. Tangible examples, that I have thought of, for how to do this are:
*plan a group hang out time with your gal friends and initiate it
*treat all women as if they were your sisters (I have been so blessed by the guys in my life who do this)
*pray hardcore before pursuing a girl (God has plans for your love stories too gentlemen)
*invest in the men around you (emotionally investing too much in a girl gets dangerous, even those that you are starting to date, which is even worse)
*be clear with your intentions (I'm all about the open communication. It is okay to tell a girl you just see her as a friend even if you are not completely sure she likes you. Then back that up with your actions. Initiating a lot of one on one time can be confusing and be taken as pursuit. Feel free to invite the men that you have been investing in, into the mix. =)
*Keep seeking the Lord... from what I have seen in my guy friends, you are doing a great job!

[In case all this opens gillions of cans of worms read this... And this. And challenge me on this! These are my thoughts which by nature of me being human makes them faulty and debatable.]


  1. great stuff here. i really like it. one thing i would say is that guys do also day dream about that perfict romance, girls are not the only ones.

    in point 2 you have some really good stuff. group outings, treatings girls as sisters, praying hardcore, investing in other guys, clear intentions, and seeking Jesus. the clear intentions and praying thing i really liked. good things to think about and work on.

  2. love you steph :) carly and i were talking about this last night. i am totally on the same page with you here! awesome stuff. i gotta make it a point to read your blog more often.

  3. Thank you all! It is encouraging to know that not only is someone reading my blog but that it is loved. haha

  4. just started reading your blog and im already blessed by it! keep it up lady!