Mustard Seeds

Mustard Seeds

Friday, October 29, 2010

Where I've been...

First thing to tackle: my dry season.

This past summer and this quarter have been very different than anything I have experienced before and I have not known how to handle it. Take your worst case of senioritis, mix it with your most unmotivated day, and add some of the emotions you feel when you just want to spend time alone in bed (if you ever want that)... now you can now understand the past few months of my life.
The short expanation is this: apathy rules my life...
Apathy: - lack of feeling or emotion : impassiveness
- lack of interest or concern : indifference
Synonyms: affectlessness, emotionlessness, impassiveness, numbness
I won't even go into the "related words" category of this definition. It is a scary list. Especially since of most of them apply to me and they are not words you would ever want to use to describe yourself. If you are here, in a state of numbness with a lack of desire to invest in life and people, please know that this is not permanent. For me it has ruled my life for a while now but that is only because I didn't know how to identify it. I had no awareness of this apathy, I was just plugging along trying to ignore the fact that I felt stuck in my own life. The hardest part was not caring enough to do anything about feeling stuck. 
Well, God is taking me out of this slowly and the recovery process, as I like to call it, is what I really want to share with you. We have all been in low, dry, and tough places but it is the grace of God and His providence that makes the difference. It is his love that changes us and lifts us up

1 comment: