Mustard Seeds

Mustard Seeds

Monday, May 14, 2012

My Cancer


Another, rather large, thing that God is teaching me lately is regarding my sin. Mis pecados. That sounds scary. It is a hard thing when God shows you where you are failing. But in this case it was just plain eye opening.

I don’t struggle with what I used to call “big sins”: sexual sins, murder, stealing, cheating, etc. So when people would talk about being convicted of sins I would draw a blank. “I’m a good person.” I would think. And right there, did you catch it?, is where I am sinning. My sin is not so much tangible in the things I do but rather in what I think, and what I say. I struggle not with a quickly destructive sin but rather a slow cancerous one that separates me from people and God. I struggle with Pride. Pride that grows as I think I am better than other people, that spreads as I refuse to acknowledge it, that riddles my life with tumors as I think that I am not in need of God’s grace. And I think, or maybe I know, that pride is more dangerous than the things I don’t struggle with. Mainly, because thinking I am above sin adds to my self-centeredness and encourages me to nurse my cancer to health.

As I have been thinking about it, God keeps revealing areas where in fact I do sin tangibly as well. It’s as if a wall was broken down, the blinders were taken off, and I can see myself for the broken person I really am. And I can accept God’s grace. I can appreciate his love and sacrifice for me. I love it.

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