Mustard Seeds

Mustard Seeds

Friday, November 15, 2013

The Difficult Beginning

From my journal my first three nights here:

Obedience is so easy when you are excited. When you are just as ready for God's calling as He is to give it. Obedience is not easy when you are scared, or overwhelmed, or even tired. Even more so when you lack the trust you need in God's calling being perfect for you.

But where we are weak, God is strong. And sufficient. And personal. And in control.

"Relax in my everlasting arms. Your weakness is an opportunity to grow strong in awareness of My Almighty Presence. When your energy fails you, do not look inward and lament the lack you find there. Look to Me and My sufficiency; rejoice in My radiant riches that are abundantly available to help you. Go gently through this day, leaning on Me and enjoying My presence. Thank Me for your neediness, which is building trust-bonds between us [...]"  - Jesus Calling, Sept. 27

I felt so overwhelmed when I finally got here. I was battling the flu, tiredness from three days of driving cross country and hotels, and a load of spiritual attack. I knew my dad was leaving the next day, making my move final, and I felt out of place being the newest person here. My pride, insecurities, and fears were wrapped all into one knot in my throat, threatening to make me cry and collapse into pieces.

Dad held me together a little but by acknowledging how hard it was, saying the family would visit, and giving me the option of coming home if it didn't work out. God held me together the rest of the way by reminding me of my need for trust in Him, founded in all the ways He has provided for me before.

"Pour out all of your energy into trusting Me. It is through trust that you stay connected to Me, aware of My Presence. Every step on your life-journey can be a step of faith. Baby steps of trust are simple for you; you can take them with almost unconscious ease. Giant steps are another matter altogether: leaping across chasms in semi-darkness, trudging through the valley of the shadow of death. [...] Focus your attention on the path just ahead of you and on the One who never leaves your side."  - Jesus Calling, Sept. 25

And He continued to provide for me. In an overwhelming amount of ways. At the end of my third day here and I already had built great community, found a hill to run on (it's the little things), gotten to know the area, been to a home group, realized on the river, forged ties, had great weather, and seen the beauty of Ocala. God has made this home and shown me grace in every day. I feel connected, mostly settled, and so blessed to be here because I know God has asked me to be be here.

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